


The Water and The Woods Part Two

by Finn4



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:07:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 18,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25253575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Finn4/pseuds/Finn4
Relationships: Katniss Everdeen/Finnick Odair, Katniss Everdeen/Gale Hawthorne
Comments: 37
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

District Twelve

Two Years Later

“KATNISS!!” Gale is screaming as he enters the front door. It slams behind him and I hear immediate commotion in the house. I throw Lark onto my hip and run down the stairs. Frantic.

“Gale?! What is going on?!” I’m shouting for him. I hear him in the kitchen. The cupboards opening and closing, cans and glass clanking. I run towards him as she starts to cry on my shoulder from the upsetting noise. When I reach the kitchen, he turns to me in an absolute panic. His face is red, his hair is plastered to his forehead with sweat. 

“Oh my God, Gale, what?? What is going on??” 

He’s putting cans of food in a bag. Throwing whatever he can grab.

“Where is Kai??” He asks me. Kai.

“He’s in the backyard, Gale please tell me what is going on you’re scaring me.....” I’m trying not to cry and already shouting over the baby’s wails. 

“Go get him. Now.”

I run for the back door and fling it open. He’s on the back porch, tracing a toy truck along the railing. 

“Kai. Get inside.”

He listens carefully, sensing the tension in my voice. I follow him, pushing him inside and pulling the door closed behind me. Lark is screaming and Gale is still clambering through the house. I see him gathering their clothes.

“Gale! Please!” 

He kneels down in front of Kai.

“Hey buddy. Can you show daddy five fingers?”

Kai holds up a handful.

“Good boy. I want you to take this bag and go upstairs and get five of your favorite things and put them in this bag. Can you do that for me??”

Kai nods and Gale closes his eyes tight as he kisses his forehead. 

“Pack things for the baby. We are leaving.”

I am trying against my better judgement to stay calm. He can tell I am holding on by a thread and finally takes a breath and the opportunity to fill me in.

He steps into me and takes my arm. 

“Katniss. Did you not see the announcement?”

“I...I fell asleep with the baby....”

She has finally calmed on my shoulder. Gale looks like he is in actual pain as he looks at her and then at me.

“It’s been five years since Snow cancelled the Quarter Quell. Five years for him to decide the perfect way to fuck with us....we need to get out of here. Now.”

“Gale what did he say?? What is happening??” I can tell he wants us to leave and then talk but I need to know what I’m running from. He inhales sharply, fastening the bag of food to his back and reaching for his bow that hangs on a rack by the door.

“Katniss...they are pulling kids from each district. One kid from One, two kids from Two, three kids from Three. We live in Twelve. Which kids do you think he’s gonna come for first?”

I raise my hand to my mouth. 

“Gale...they are babies, they aren’t old enough to be reaped.....”

“It’s not a reaping for the games, Katniss. There’s no games. They are taking kids from each district to make examples. No one survives this.”

And I stop breathing for a second. But when my breath comes back I am in fight or flight mode and right now it’s both. I pass Lark to Gale.

“Take her.” He pulls her from me as I throw a coat on, grabbing my bow and pulling the children’s coats from the closet. I grab a backpack and throw bottles inside of it. I don’t have time to think of what else we might need. Kai is running down the stairs with his bag.

“Five things?” I ask, trying to smile. He nods. He knows something is wrong. Luckily he already has shoes on. I turn and adjust my bow so it hangs at my side. I crouch and he climbs onto my back. Gale is already at the back door with Lark in a sling across his chest. He pauses for me and we meet at the door. He stares at me and brushes hair from my cheek. He leans in and kisses me as we both look back into the home we will probably never see again.

He steps onto the porch and looks, realizing we have a clear shot to get to the woods but we have to go...right now.

We run side by side, each holding one of our children, as fast as we can until we are hidden in the tree line. I can hear faint wailing and screaming from The Hob. 

Twelve children. I grab Gale.

“Gale! Your family! We have to go back for the kids.”

There are gunshots in town that startle us both. He swallows the lump in his throat and I watch it wash over him as he stares at the little boy on my back.

“We can’t. We have to keep moving.”

He turns to keep running and I follow him. 

“Where are we going?” 

“We are going to make our way to the coast and find someone who can get us down to Four.” He shouts breathlessly.

“Finnick...” I whisper....surprised that that is his plan.

“If anyone can help us now, it might be him.” 

I try to hum a song to Kai to keep him calm as we rush through the brush. The sound of gun fire in the distance and my heart pounding in my ears.

We venture out further than we ever have. Into parts of this wood I have never trusted to be safe. I follow carefully behind him because he seems to know where he is headed.

“Gale...are we sure this is safe?” 

He turns to me and stops for a moment. Looking back over my shoulder.

“Haymitch told me to head the the edge of the timber. Due east. Straight out. There are people there he knows that can get us down the coast. That’s all I know. Do you need to stop? Are you ok?”

“I’m fine. Keep going I’m right behind you.” He turns and continues to jog through these unknown trees, Lark whimpering gently on his chest but he soothes and consoles her all the while, zipping his jacket up around her.

The sight of it breaks my heart. Him caring for her. The fact that I was stupid enough to think they would ever just let us peacefully raise our family. The more upset I get the harder it is to breathe. I still struggle with dull aching in my hip and the running is wearing on it. 

“Gale...”

I whisper and he turns, knowing I need to stop.

“I’m sorry. I can’t.”

He moves to me and pulls Kai from my back. 

“It’s alright, Katnip. We can rest.” 

He looks around and finds a thick spot in the underbrush. 

“We will be safe here. It’s almost dark anyway.”

He gently sits down. Lark is fussing on his chest as he opens his coat. I take her from him, knowing she needs to nurse. I cover her with a blanket from my bag and tuck into Gale’s side. He has Kai on his lap and he is trying to still him to sleep. He’s not even five and he has such an old soul that he just....knows. To be quiet. To be fast. To not panic. 

The four of us hunker together, under the weight of Gale’s strong arms, and try to find find some sleep.

“This is my fault.”

“This is Snow’s fault. Don’t ever forget it. We will be safe here. We can move again when it’s dark. It’ll be ok.” He kisses the top of my head.

“Haymitch knew this was coming...” I whisper, wondering why he didn’t tell us sooner. Wondering if that means Finnick did, too.

“He gave us all he could. The time, a place to go. He stayed behind to cover for us.”

Gale’s words wash over me uncomfortably. I suddenly wonder if I will ever see Haymitch again.

“Sleep, Katniss. I’ll wake you up if we need to move.”

I lean on his shoulder and let myself sleep.

I don’t know how long I’ve been out when I feel his elbow in my side.

“Hey...it’s pretty dark. The kids are asleep. Let’s see if we can move awhile.”

I shake myself awake, Lark still on my chest. I stand and strap her to me, covering her in my coat, as Gale pulls Kai up and over his shoulders. We start to move through the woods, staying close with only the moonlight to guide us. 

We seem to walk for miles in silence and my stomach aches. I’m feeling like we may never make any ground.

“Stay close...” Gale whispers as he looks ahead and takes my hand. I look into the distance and see an opening. Light. Other people.

He’s uneasy. For a moment I want to tell him to stay quiet and stay away. But no sooner do I think that, someone from up ahead is shining a light at us.

“STAY WHERE YOU ARE.” Someone shouts at us over some sort of speaker or megaphone. We both freeze and my instinct is to run. Anywhere.

“Gale...” I whisper. The baby starts to cry and I can’t console her.

“It’s Gale Hawthorne! I have Katniss Everdeen!” He shouts to them and for a moment I am terrified. The light that shines on our direction falls squarely on my face and I am blinded.

“Gale....” I whisper again. I feel sick. Like I might pass out, and I’m holding our baby, “Gale....”

“Gale!” I hear someone calling to him from the clearing ahead and the light starts moving towards us quickly, “is everyone alright?” 

“We’re fine!” Gale calls back. I can just barely make him out as it starts to register whose voice I’m hearing. It can’t be. Can it be?

It’s Finnick. I don’t know how he is here, but it is...Finnick.


	2. Chapter 2

“Finnick?!” I shout against my better judgement because I can’t believe I am actually seeing him. He reaches Gale first and puts his hand on his shoulder. Finnick can tell he is exhausted and produces a bottle of water from a bag slung over his shoulder. Gale slumps under Kai’s weight in his arms and Finnick takes him without Gale having to ask.

“Th...thank you...” he whispers. I realize how much exhaustion, mentally and otherwise, Gale has pushed through to get us here. 

Finnick turns to me, we lock eyes and mine immediately fill. I still don’t know what is happening or why but suddenly with them both here I’m not afraid. He takes the few steps to me slowly and I weep openly, the tears that I have been fighting back since we left. He kisses my forehead and puts his hand on the back of Lark’s head. She is awake but calm and seems to look right at him.

“You ok?” He asks quietly and I nod. 

A few other people have approached that I don’t recognize but they are offering to help. Taking our bags, offering small bites of food. Finnick and I still stand, staring at each other, when I hear a familiar voice.

“Jesus Christ, Romeo you don’t have to hypnotize her...she’s coming with us, we have to move now.”

Johanna Mason. I look into the darkness but can’t see her. But she is unmistakable.

Finnick turns and without looking back reaches for my hand. I take it and follow him, hushing the baby as he carried Kai and Gale is being filled in by some of the others. I slowly start to assess the situation. I see Johanna. Then Wiress and Beetee. Cashmere. 

We are with the surviving tributes. And soldiers. We reach a camp of sorts in a clearing and I watch as Johanna scales a tree to a small platform the rests near it’s top. Beetee is laying a wire that seems to create a honeycomb shape around a small dark hole in the ground. A small, dark skinned woman with most of her face and head covered encourages Gale to climb down first. He looks back at me and nods quietly. If Gale knows one thing it’s being underground. This will sit much better with him than it does with me. I tug at Finnick’s hand. He senses my apprehension.

“I know. But you have to.” 

Gale is half way down a ladder when Finnick squats by it and passes Kai to him. He turns back to me and reaches a hand. I know I have to. But I’m already a mess and I can’t see straight and it feels like climbing to my death with my babygirl strapped to me. I inhale deeply and take Finnick’s hand as I climb the ladder, hushing her. We climb down it’s cold rungs, inside a wide metal tube that quickly opens up to some kind of underground...dwelling. 

It’s a bunker crossed with a train system crossed with a city park and I can’t even describe it. I’m looking around at it like it’s a bee hive because it is filled with people. Some soldiers. Some people I recognize as tributes. But mostly, almost entirely...children.

“Gale...”

“I know...” he’s at my side, his arm around my back and Kai in the other. We take it in like it is some kind of makeshift underground orphanage. Most of them are asleep. Some with adults at their sides but most not. I scan the room for Finnick, and I see him in some sort of well lit room not far from us. He emerges with a tray and makes his way towards us. 

“Here, you can sit for awhile. Eat,” he’s walking us towards one of many long tables nearby and he notices me take in the other contents of the tray...pills, “they’re asking everyone to take these for the first three days. Apparently Snow has been tampering with some district water supplies so they want to make sure that no one is sick or gets sick.”

“Jesus....” Gale whispers. Finnick looks him apologetically. All I can think about is the people we left behind.

Prim.

“Finnick, my family....” I can barely get the words out. He sighs.

“Haymitch is doing what he can in Twelve. I promise if he can get them out...he will. We knew we had to get the four of you out first.”

“Finnick!” A small voice comes from behind me and I spin to see a small, familiar face.

One of his boys from Four. He recognizes me and we share a small smile.

“Hey...you should be asleep....” Finnick answers him softly as he misses his hair. He stands up and looks down at us.

“Let me take the them? You two can kinda get...adjusted.” Finnick is offering to take our children and I want it to not bother me. Gale nods. Kai is awake on his lap. Finnick squats.

“I’m Finnick. You look pretty tired. My friend, Dax, here has a pretty cool bunk bed you can take a nap in.”

Kai has inherited my affinity for Finnick apparently because he steps down and Dax...whose name I am just now learning...takes his hand. I’m already unstrapping the baby from my chest and I realize as I lift her to Finnick just how tired I am. My fingers graze his as he takes her gently from me and tucks her against his shoulder. I need to not look at him holding my daughter right now so I fight to stare somewhere else. 

“They’ll be right over there...where you can see them....”

He gestures to a small cluster of bunks where Dax is leading Kai as he nods and follows them there. Gale takes my hand under the table. As Finnick turns to walk away Gale calls to him.

“Finnick,” he turns back to face us, “thank you.” Gale is so earnest and grateful and I hear his voice hitch as he expresses his gratitude. Finnick just smiles and nods before he turns back around to help the kids settle in. I’m still trying not to look at him, and Gale squeezes my hand as I rest my head on his shoulder.

He knows. I know he knows.

We hear the hatch open as more people descend. Johanna and Beetee are among them. She approaches us cautiously, swinging an axe like it’s a toy. She terrifies me. I’ll need to get over that.

“Well thank God the prodigal daughter is finally here...and you must be Gale....”

Gale stands and shakes her hand.

“Yeah, I’m Gale.”

“For fuck’s sake Katniss, you know how to pick them.” She winks at him. He gets uncomfortable the way only Gale can and sits back down. She sits across from us. Which is all at once calming and terrifying. But within moments, Finnick slides in beside her. The four of us in a huddle amidst the sleeping throngs of what I guess are refugees now.

“So what comes next?” Gale asks, as desperate for a plan as I am. Johanna looks at us before deferring to Finnick.

“There are several pockets of people just like us throughout the districts. We were able to bring most of the Victor families here since we felt like they were most at risk after the Quell...and we are the most protected.”

Johanna finishes...

“So basically we all hang out here like a bunch of mole people until they either find us and butcher us or they are able to capture the Capitol and with Snow out of power...we return home like none of this nightmare every happened.”

“Something like that..” Finnick finishes.

“Take the Capitol? Can we do that?” Gale leans into Finnick desperate for more information.

“There are a lot of people in the Capitol who feel like this was the final straw. So, we are hoping...yes.”

“Hoping isn’t enough. Let’s get in there and do this.” Gale is making a fist on the table and I see his anger rising. I put a hand on his knee and he pushes me aside. Finnick bristles and locks eyes with me. Gale is going to have to learn to handle me with kid gloves in Finnick’s presence. I let him know I’m fine without having   
to say it. I’m ok.

“Look, daddy, you aren’t going anywhere. Way too much skin in the game. Your job is to stay here and help make sure these kids live through it or otherwise what is the fucking point?” Johanna says what we are all thinking and I am glad for it, “fuck, Odair and I have been babysitting all week and we don’t even have our own kids. So...you stay here. We got this.”

My heart sinks at her words...watching them land on Finnick like they sting. A reaction no one else would even notice. But I do.

“Finnick, you’re going to the Capitol??” I ask, my voice already begging him not to.

“If I have to, yes. Obviously we are hoping it doesn’t come to that.”

He’s trying to calm me and I hear resolve in his voice. The hollow of the catacombs is echoing with the sound of a baby crying and I know right away it’s Lark.

“Is she hungry?” Gale asks me quietly. I discreetly press on my chest and know that’s not it. 

“She shouldn’t be....”

“I’ll get her.” Gale kisses my cheek and excuses himself, leaving the three of us. We sit in silence for a moment, I’m playing at some of the food on the tray and trying not to look at Finnick.

“Oh for fuck’s sake, fine, I’ll go....”

Johanna leaves the table and I don’t know if I’m relieved or afraid. Every piece of my body wants to crawl across the table and into his arms but I know I can’t. Not now. Not ever. But my body still fights against it just as hard as my heart does. 

“I’m glad you’re here.” I whisper to him. And I mean it. It complicates things. It complicates me. But I mean it.

“Try to eat. I’ll go make sure there’s a place for you and Gale.” He tries to smile. I know he’s made his peace with me but I see it breaking him, too, and I wish I knew how to fix it. I can’t.

I force myself to take a few bites and to wash down the medicine he brought us. I scan the room. The bunks of children, the soldiers, the Victors I recognize all taking me in. I wonder to myself how long we will be here....and if it’s really any better than taking my chances above ground.


	3. Chapter 3

Gale and I manage to get a solid amount of sleep, taking shifts just because that’s what we are used to. The babies are in a bunk just across from us but I feel myself watching Finnick more. He and Johanna have a bunk just a few down from us. She sleeps on the top. At one point I’m on my side resting but my eyes are wide open. Staring at him with Gale pressed into my back...fast asleep. And Finnick is watching me, too. Until he finally closes his eyes and finds sleep.

How long can I do this? 

Lark starts to fuss. I have her wedged with pillows at the edge of the same bunk her brother snores in. She’s almost two but so slight. Only barely attempting to walk, and still nursing. Both she and Kai have always been slight. Which would be surprising given how sturdy Gale is, but it’s probably just from general life in The Seam regardless of what we can do for them. I can feel in my chest that it’s time for her to eat so I look around for a place to nurse her. Most everyone is asleep. Gale is out cold. Save for a few guards the whole place is peaceful and still.

I lift her and she stills in my arms, almost falling back asleep. There are some quiet corners with chairs, almost like a library, so I quickly head for one undoing my shirt as I go. I slump down and get comfortable, rocking and singing to her. I get lost in her like this. Her tiny form. How beautiful and peaceful she is. The sounds of her sleeping. I want to keep her like this forever. Before the world terrifies her like it does me.

“Hey...” I turn to see Finnick, groggy and still half asleep, leaning against the wall as he checks on me, “you ok?”

I smile at him but can’t find the words to answer just yet outloud.

“Oh....I’m sorry I didn’t realize you were....” he’s immediately searching for somewhere to go and somewhere to look. I can’t help but chuckle at his innocence. I pull my shirt over her face.

“Finnick it’s fine. If I’m gonna be stuck down here you probably won’t be the only person around that sees my nipples...” 

I probably shouldn’t have said that.

He tucks his hands in his pockets and tries to not be uneasy. I notice him look over at Gale like he’s nervous he will get caught.

“How long have your been here?” I ask him quietly, enjoying this time with him and not wanting anyone to wake and disrupt it. He squats by my side.

“Three days. We came up the coast, met Johanna and then came here to find Paylor. We all had to leave discreetly to not send up any red flags.”

“Paylor?” I ask unsure if I should know who that is.

He points to the small covered woman who helped Gale when we arrived. She sleeps sitting in a chair just at the base of the ladder.

“She’s in charge here. Plugged in with the people running things in the Capitol. I’ll introduce you to her tomorrow. When she’s awake. And your nipples aren’t out.”

He smiles and I realize how much I have missed it. Missed him. Lark fusses against me and it’s the only thing that could have drug my eyes from Finnick’s. She’s lulling herself fo sleep against me and I’m struggling to get redressed in this deep chair. Finnick reaches his arms out and I lift her into them. He tucks her sweetly against his chest. Gently swaying with her as she falls asleep on him. Effortlessly. I feel a lump in my throat as I tuck and button and adjust before standing. Finnick is holding my baby. Gale’s baby. In a bunker full of kids he has come all this way to protect. And he can’t....

It hurts to think about. 

He smiles softly and then passes her easily to me.

“We should get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“See you in the morning.” I respond, knowing I’m just going to go lay her down and then watch him sleep.

I move back to our bunk. Tuck her into her pillows and lay back down. I watch Finnick do the same. His eyes on mine. I bite my lip just looking at him I can hardly stand it.

Gale stirs behind me and throws an arm around my waist before kissing my neck and asking if I’m ok. I’m looking at Finnick who doesn’t look away so I don’t either. I nod yes to Gale and he nuzzles my neck and falls back asleep. I feel myself scowl. I want to tell Finnick I’m sorry even if I don’t know what for. I can see it on his face...right before he turns from me and pulls the cover over his back and head. 

Closing himself off to me in more ways than one.


	4. Chapter 4

I’m still watching Finnick’s back silently willing him to turn over and look at me when Paylor approaches his bed and shakes him gently awake. She leans over him and whispers and he is quick to stir to attention, lifting himself up to wake Johanna as well.

Gale is tucked sweetly into my back or I would be up as well. But as their intensity grows I am no longer able to just sit and watch. I notice a few soldiers gathering at the bottom of the hatch door, strapping on weapons and gear. 

“Gale. Wake up.”

I elbow him gently and his snaps awake and immediately knows why I woke him. We sit up together, I take in the still sleeping babies across from us and we both move from the bed and quickly down the aisle to the trio gathered next to Finnick’s bunk. I notice him leaning over and producing a trident from under his mattress as Johanna reaches up and tugs an axe from her pillowcase.

“What’s going on?” Gale whispers loudly interrupting their intense discussion. All three turn suddenly. But Paylor, unlike Finnick who would waste five minutes trying to spare my feelings, shoots even straighter than Johanna.

“There’s a hover craft several miles out. We are sending a team to the surface. No one gets into this hatch.”

“I’ll get our things...” Gale is already making a run for our bows when Finnick grabs his arm. Hard.

“You’re not coming.”

Gale turns, already seething. He shakes his arm free. 

“I have more to lose than you do, I’m coming.”

“Yeah you do, that’s why you’re staying. With them.”

They are stepping into each other and I have to say that of all the horrors I have seen watching them consistently threaten to tear each other apart is my least favorite. I take a deep breath and make it worse.

“We are coming. Gale, get the bows.”

Gale smirks slightly and turns for them. Finnick shoots me a look the likes of which I have never seen.

“You’re not coming.” He hisses at me through gritted teeth.

“Gale doesn’t own me and neither do you, Finnick. I’m coming,” I meet his steely gaze for as long as I can stand it before turning to Paylor, “what do we do?”

She wastes no time trying to convince me.

“You’re good with that bow, is he as accurate?” She gestures to Gale, who is hustling back to us...handing me my bow as he secures his.

“Yes.”

“Good. I want you in the tree lines with straight shots at the hatch. Put down anyone that tries to get in. Finnick and I will be on foot towards the hover, Johanna I want you in the lookout. Everyone else blocks the entrance. Eight of us go up and they will have to put all eight of us down to even get close....”

My heart is pounding. Do we even know what we are up against? What weapons? How many? What’s to say they don’t open the hover craft and flood the woods with poison gas?

Then she fills me in on the rest of the plan.

“Beetee has wired the surrounding area. Johanna will signal him if the rest of us fall and he blows the perimeter, killing anyone inside the tree line, and probably taking out anyone near enough to be a threat. So keep your eyes and ears open for her signal too. As a last resort.”

This is a suicide mission. They all know it.

“And what happens to everyone in the hatch if he blows the entrance?” Gale asks suddenly sounding unsure that his decision to leave was the right one.

“The entrance collapses. It will be impenetrable until help arrives from our other teams.”

I swallow. So hard it hurts. Snow has his Hunger Games after all. 

We move to leave quickly, I glance back at Kai and Lark and I don’t want to go. But I have to. No one can shoot like I can. Not even Gale.

Finnick grabs my arm.

“Stay in the tree line. Don’t do anything stupid.” Gale pulls his arm from mine, and I resent him breaking that contact even if it was Finnick trying to father me. I may never have it again.

“I won’t let anything happen to her. Go.”

They lock eyes and Finnick turns to me but just for a second before he is following Paylor up the ladder. Gale takes my hand and we run behind them. 

When we reach the ground I am surprised by how quiet it is but only for a moment. Gale and I crouch hidden in the trees on opposite sides of the clearing. I watch Johanna scale a tree. Finnick and Paylor take off on foot toward the slowly growing sound of a hovercraft. And then I see it. It’s small. Which gives me some comfort. It it lands close. Which steals it from me.

The events of the next few minutes pass incredibly fast and also in slow motion. I feel like I’m not in my body. I see Finnick and Paylor running back at lightning speed, both with weapons drawn. And as soon as I let it register that they are running towards and not away from something, I see it. A peacekeeper. Behind Gale. I shout his name but it’s too late. In one sweep he puts a gun to Gale’s head and rips his bow from him...throwing it into the grass. He forces Gale to his feet and walks him into the opening. 

“Katniss, shoot me!” He yells, his teeth gritting and eyes closing.

He knows I can’t. 

I try to clear my mind. To escape. I think: Johanna in the trees, two soldiers with weapons drawn at the hatch, Finnick and Paylor across from me with weapons drawn.

Suddenly, like dominoes, the soldiers at the hatch are shot: one, two, three. 

I spin on my heels as their bodies are falling onto each other and spot the two snipers in the brush...taking them out one at a time before I even realize I have drawn my bow. If we were prepared, they were more prepared. In seconds they took three of us out and....Gale. I swivel back around and stand. I draw my bow and move into the opening.

“Katniss! Don’t move!” I hear Finnick yell and the peacekeeper sneers. I notice his head is bleeding and there is blood on his chest. He had to fight his way here. He pushes the gun into Gale’s temple and walks slowly towards the hatch. I draw my bow and aim it at him.

“Shoot me and I shoot him. They already know you’re here. What good will it do? More of us will come.”

“Katniss. I love you. Shoot me.”

My fingers are trembling on the bow. I’m silently begging someone...something...to take this out of my hands. I can’t. I can’t be here. I can’t do this. I look at Gale and I see Kai and Lark. I see them.

I’m distracted by movement in the trees. It’s Finnick. He’s lacing through the surrounding trees and easing into the opening. He locks eyes on me and shakes his head no slightly. The peacekeeper senses him but doesn’t look. He’s more worried about me. Finnick is moving his leg and I see why...one of the downed soldiers guns has flung towards him and he’s trying to make a move for it.

He reaches it with his foot and swiftly bends to move it to his hands. Once he has the gun he steps into the opening and presses it to the temple of the peacekeeper. He seems surprised but doesn’t let his eyes leave mine.

“Let him go...” Finnick commands. The peacekeeper cocks his gun. 

“This ends one way.” The peacekeeper still moves towards the hatch and demands Gale open it. Gale doesn’t move. His eyes are pleading with me. He lifts his head slightly to the trees...Johanna.

“Blow it.” He whispers to her. 

The world stops. I swear it does. Just for a moment. He asks Finnick to take care of his family and whispers he loves me...so much. I start moving towards him, running. Bow drawn. Shouting. I can barely hear Johanna’s voice but I know she is shouting ‘clear.....now....’ and I’m still running toward the hatch when I get the wind knocked out of me. Finnick. He dives into my stomach and pushes me back on my feet practically throwing my body back into the trees with strength I didn’t know he had and then everything stops.

Sight.

Sound. 

Air.

Gone.

Screams. From everyone. And then an explosion that is so close it chokes me and the world turns black.

I’m pinned under Finnick’s weight as I use my fleeting breath to scream Gale’s name until I lose consciousness.


	5. Chapter 5

I come to in a haze.

I can’t see. My eyes are open but everything is black, gradually turning grey but only just. I can barely breathe. My chest aches. My ribs ache. My heart...aches.

I try to scream for Gale. My voice won’t come. I’m glued into the ground by the weight on my stomach and legs and I push and shove in a panic until I remember. It’s Finnick, it’s his body. It’s dead weight.

I try to say his name but when I inhale the smoke chokes me and I can’t make a sound other than a hack that hurts and burns. I raise my arm to cover my mouth against it. I hear my name. Faintly. Like it’s miles away. Then his name. Even further. My ears are ringing so loud I wonder if they are bleeding. I reach down and shake him. Nothing. I force my aching body to sit and scream almost immediately. Something in my side is piercing with pain. I roll his weight from me. I’m inches from him and can barely make him out. 

“Finnnnickkkkk....” I lean over him forgetting my own pain when I see the side of his head is bleeding and I try to make sense of it. We landed on some rocks at the foot of a tree. I’m shaking him and he won’t wake up and I’m panicking. 

I try to scream for help into the smoky vastness and I feel my heart racing as I lay myself down onto him. 

“Please help me Finnick....” I whisper against the burning in my throat. My eyes sting and water. I’m grabbing his face desperate to wake him when I hear someone calling for us. I kneel up, bracing my side. I look into the smoke and I wonder who survived. I’m overwhelmed with panic and I throw up next to Finnick, the smoke and worry and dust and fear overtaking me.

“Katniss!!!” 

It’s Johanna. She bursts through the smoke, a large scarf covering most of her face. She flings herself to the ground beside us.

“Is he breathing??” She shouts as me through a cough.

“I...I don’t know....” I suddenly feel small having not thought to check that.

“Fucking Christ, Katniss” she leans on his chest and listens before rising back up and shaking him fiercely. Tossing his head back and forth.

“C’mon Finnick! Wake up! We need to move. Now!” I help her, taking his head in my hands and leaning over him. 

“Finnick. Wake up. Please.”

He starts to stir, wincing almost immediately and then his eyes start to flutter and then burst wide open. He shoots up like he is trying to make sense of what is happening. Looks at Johanna and then at me. The side of his forehead dripping blood that looks too dark to be good. He blinks against it. Lifting his hand to it.

“Shit...” he mutters.

“Shit is right. We need to go.” Johanna is already pulling him to his feet and then he turns to me. His face is pained and I know we can’t even process what is happening or what has happened or what will happen.

I can’t stand. My side is on fire and I don’t know why. But I am trying to pull up against him, desperate to get on my feet. He reaches for me and helps, pulling me up against him. 

“Gale...” I look back into what used to be the clearing and is now just a funnel of grey smoke and fire.

“He’s gone, I’m sorry.” Johanna states it so matter of factly it doesn’t feel real.

“No....” I whisper trying to to cry, and they are both already pulling me in the opposite direction.

“We have to go. Can you run?”

Finnick asks...and the fact is I can barely walk. Or see. Or hear. Or think. I just stare at him blankly. 

“Finnick...” I say his name and I almost can’t hear it. My vision is closing in again and then...black.

I wake up in a bunk. Not the bunker. Something smaller. No bigger than a closet. I look around, trying to make sense of it. The bed I am in, one on top of it. A small metal trunk, a basin sink...and a Finnick and Johanna pressed against a large metal door. She is locking it by spinning some kind of wheel and he is slumped against it nursing his head wound. I sit up and they both notice.

Johanna still mans the door while Finnick makes his way beside the bed. 

“You ok?” He asks, squatting, and I try to nod even if I am anything but.

“Your head....” I start to reach for it and he stops me. 

“It’s ok.” 

I grab my side as I reach for him, the movement in my arm shooting pain through my waist.

“Try not to move. I think I broke a few of your ribs.” He whispers apologetically as if it were something he could have prevented. I try to lay back down.

“Where are we?” I ask trying to decide how much I need to be panicking.

“It’s a small bunker not far from the hatch. We should be safe here til someone comes. Beetee’s bomb set off an alert to all of our other camps. It’s shouldn’t be long.....”

The hatch. Gale. The babies. Everyone. I bolt straight up from my bed.

“Finnick we have to go back....now...Kai...Lark....please.....”

He tries to hush and calm me and sit me back and I can see his eyes are wet, too.

“We can’t get to them right now...”

“Finnick please. Gale...I can’t lose them, too.” My eyes unleash and I am weeping. The finality of this day finally washing over me in slow waves that I can hardly process. “Please...” I whisper again. He inhales.

“Nobody can get into that hatch. That includes us. But it means they are safe. I promise. I’m.....I’m sorry...” his voice breaks and I see Johanna appear over his shoulder. Even she looks defeated and she hasn’t intentionally made me uncomfortable yet which...makes me uncomfortable. It cements the severity of this situation. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know what else to do.” She whispers. She made the call. I want to thank her for making it so that I didn’t have to but I can’t find those words yet. She saved them.

“You’re sure...he didn’t make it....” I try to string a sentence together even if I know the answer.

“I’m sure.” She sits on the bed beside me. The three of us are quiet. A long while. Catching our breath. 

“Paylor?” Finnick asks and Johanna shrugs.

“I didn’t see her. I’m hoping she’s still out there...but she knew to come here and didn’t make it.”

“I’ll go look for her once the dust settles.” Finnick offers. She retorts.

“No fucking way Odair. You know the drill. She did, too. We get back here and lock it down. No exceptions.”

I watch him grit his teeth and I know he won’t listen. 

“If you two hadn’t woken me up I’d still be out there, too. You wouldn’t go back from me? If you two wanna lock it down after I leave, do it. But I’m going.”

I grab his arm, my shaky fingers latching onto him.

“No.”

That’s all I say and it hangs there...untampered with. For a long while.

“Ok.” He says.

“Oh fuck me, would you? All she has to say is no!?” Johanna, rolling her eyes and moving to the sink, pulls her scarf from her face.

She is running it in the water. I’m staring at Finnick trying to get lost in his face and not think about the fact that my entire world was just upended. He reaches for mine, knowing, rubbing my cheek a little too gently.

“Here.” 

Johanna is back on the bed and he scoots towards her so she can clean his face. 

He hisses at her and she is having none of it.

“Or I could let you bleed to death....” she moves from him and he stills, “that’s what I thought. You’re gonna have a helluva hangover tomorrow.”

She is dabbing at the blood before wrapping the scarf around his forehead to keep pressure on the bleeding. 

“Lay down. Try to rest. It’s gonna be awhile.”

She pulls herself up to the top bunk and I hear her settle down. I make room next to me for Finnick. My broken ribs, his broken face. He lays back gently. Wincing. I know it hurts more than he lets on. He’s at my side and my hand finds his. Our fingers lace together and we both squeeze tight.

“We’ll get them out Katniss. I promise. Ok?”

I force myself to turn and curl into his side. I cry even though it hurts. He holds my hand and leans his head into mine. My heart is broken. My chest is pounding and sore which just makes me hyper aware that I don’t have my baby with me. I need to feed her.

Finnick was right. Gale and I should never have come.


	6. Chapter 6

I cry myself to sleep and wake up exhausted and sore, still tucked into Finnick. I can tell by his breathing that he is awake. I roll back to check and see his eyes open, staring at the bunk above us.

I watch him before he knows I am and his face is twisted in guilt and concentration. He bites his lip like he is lost in thought.

“You want to go for her...” I whisper to him. He looks down at me, surprised I am even awake. He looks at me apologetically.

“I don’t want to leave you here. But if there’s a chance that she is out there.....”

I know him too well. He won’t let this go. I wouldn’t either.

“What is it were Gale, Katniss. She has family, too....”

I reach for his face with the hand that doesn’t hurt. 

“You can’t promise you’ll make it back.” My voice breaks. I’m trying not to think about the million possibilities.

“I can promise to try.”

I won’t tell him no. And I can’t go with him. He leans over and kisses my forehead before easing out of the bed. 

“Johanna...hey wake up....” he nudges the upper bunk and soon I see her legs flop down.

“You’re going,” she says like she knew all along he would, “thanks for not just sneaking out while we were asleep.”

“I need you to lock up after me or I would have.”

He flashes her a grin and she punches his shoulder, before gently resting a hand on it.

“Just...come back ok? Promise?”

He smiles quietly but doesn’t promise. He can’t. 

She jumps down and starts undoing the locks. Finnick squats by my side and I give his forehead the once over. He definitely needs stitches. And it has to hurt like hell. But I’m not telling him anything he doesn’t already know. He glances at Johanna who is busying herself with the door before making his hands talk for him: the fish, the bow, the heart. He kisses my forehead and grabs a gun and his trident.

He slips out of the door wordlessly and Johanna pulls it closed, latching it and spinning it and leaning against it. I’m trying so hard not to cry it actually aches.

Johanna watches me for a second like she isn’t sure what to do or say, before sitting on the bed. We sit there for a while, fidgeting and adjusting in this box we are trapped in together now.

“So how long have you known?” She whispers, looking back at me.

“Known what?” I ask. She chuckles slightly. 

“That you love Finnick. Or that he loves you. I dunno. Both?”

I gulp and I’m fairly sure she can see and hear it.

“I...I don’t....”

“Oh for fuck’s sake we are locked in a bunker with very little chance of ever seeing another human, Everdeen, this is not the time to fucking lie. Let’s have it. Girl talk. It’s on my bucket list and I’m running out of time...” 

“I guess...I’m not sure. It just...happened.”

She nods, accepting my answer.

“Yeah...I mean, he really does know how to work that devastatingly handsome, wounded bird routine.” She smiles playfully. It’s not a horribly inaccurate analogy although we both know it’s not a routine.

“Wait...you...you’re not...”

“In love with Finnick?! Oh fuck of course I am. But that was never gonna work out. I mean, it’s not gonna work out for you either but I know he loves you. I mean when he was hell bent on coming all the way up to Twelve to make sure you AND Gale AND your kids were safe? I knew.”

Johanna is just as much a puzzle as he is.

“I don’t know anything about him. I mean, why he is the way he is. Why he would care about saving Gale.”

“Because you love Gale. And Finnick loves you. He will feel that loss because you feel that loss. It’s not rocket science baby girl. Losing someone you love. You guys share that now.” I try to sit up and she helps me adjust some pillows. 

“Mags?”

“You think he was fucking Mags?? Katniss Everdeen. That is twisted. I mean, maybe hot in a super kinky way. But no.”

I laugh slightly in spite of myself.

“Not fucking her. Losing her.”

She shakes her head, smiling to herself.

“Annie. Annie Cresta. You don’t know?”

I do everything I can to sit up and hang on her words.

“I...I know the name. She was a Victor from Four?”

Johanna nods and adjusts herself on the bed. She takes a deep breath.

“So you know about how Snow has fucked with Finnick. Like....literally fucked with him...” I nod yes and she continues.

“So Finnick Odair was madly in love with Annie Cresta. Like. The sickeningly sweet, you think it’s fake cause it’s so sweet only it’s not kind of madly in love. And Annie wanted a family. That was all she wanted. The two of them. A heaping ton of unusually attractive kids. Well, you and I both know that wasn’t going to happen. But he never told her. He was afraid the truth would devastate her. So instead he lied. Tried to convince himself to not love her, to save her from him. He pulled back. She saw him going to the Capitol all the time. Heard the rumors....” 

Johanna stops and watches me to make sure I’m still with her.

“She killed herself. Because she thought he didn’t love her anymore.”

My heart sinks deep into my aching chest and I close my eyes against the thought of it. I know that feeling. I’ve heard those words and thought those things.

“So. He carries that. Sure that if he had just told her, well....things would look pretty different ya know?”

She’s crying as she tells me and I wonder if it’s for Finnick or Annie or both.

“I had no idea.”

I’m saying it more for me than her. But she acknowledges it. She puts her hand on my leg and faces me again.

“Look his shit is complicated as fuck. But we all are. He’s gonna fight fiercely for you and your kids. That’s the only reason I let him go today. I knew he would come back because he wouldn’t have gone if it meant leaving you. End of story.”

She’s trying to comfort me and I have no idea how to return the favor. Also did she just admit to me that she loves him? What do I do with that?! She must sense the unease as I stare at her because she can’t help herself.

“But don’t get all hung up on sealing the deal with that one. I think Finnick Odair is just destined to remain everyone’s fantasy fuck and never actually...ya know...because why would he after everything he’s been through....”

I don’t move and I don’t know what to say and she can see right through me because her entire expression changes in an instant.

“Ho....Ly.....Shit.....” she hisses with a devious look painted on her face, “he’s fucked you.....”

My eyes widen slightly and I need to shut this right down.

“I didn’t say that...”

“You didn’t have to! Your cheeks! Look at you, holy shit. You totally have.”

She laughs and smiles and tucks her hands behind her ears.

“Look Johanna it was once and it was complicated and Gale...please....”

“Oh Jesus, who do you think I’m gonna tell?? I’m just...I’m proud of him. I’m happy for him. He...deserves that....really.”

She is still grinning and gritting her teeth when we hear the door.

Thank God. For all the reasons.

“Is it Finnick??” I ask as she moves quietly towards it. 

“Fuck, I don’t know I can’t hear.”

There’s knocking. 

Four knocks.

A pause. 

Seven knocks. 

A pause.

Twelve knocks.

A pause. 

Four again...then seven...then twelve.

“Our districts.... he’s knocking out districts. It’s Finnick.”

She seems surprised that I managed to figure that out and I don’t want to tell her it’s just a guess....

“I hope you’re right.” 

She goes through the motions of opening the door and I hold my breath and my bow. But when she slips it open we both see his hand press through and then she opens it wide. He bursts in, out of breath. Smiling slightly.

“You found her....” Johanna asks.

“Better. Can you walk?” He’s asking me again and the answer is no different. I try to flip my legs over the side of the bed but I feel like I am back in Four pretending not to walk only this time...it’s no act. 

He moves to me and carries me like he used to, cradling me against his chest.

“Alright you guys are real cute. Anyone wanna fill me in??”

Johanna is grabbing her axe from her bunk as she asks.

“I found Paylor. But she wasn’t alone. Just....come on.....”

Finnick adjusts me against his stomach and smiles slightly as I fight to return it. He whispers to me softly.

“Let’s go get your kids.”


	7. Chapter 7

Finnick cautiously carries me close to his chest as he leads Johanna and I through the trees. I ache all over: my head, my ribs, and especially my chest. Not sure exactly how to tell him that though. Meanwhile Johanna is still grinning and I’m nervous she is going to tell him what she knows. Finnick is swift and careful and soon we come upon a group of people and...a small hovercraft. I see Paylor, as banged up as the rest of us, but alive. She smiles gently when she sees us and heads in our direction. She’s glad to see us even if there is an air of caution about it.

She hugs Johanna gratefully and then moves to Finnick and I. She puts her hand on my shoulder as Finnick eases me to the ground. 

“Katniss...I’m so, so sorry. We had no idea. What Gale did saved the lives of everyone in that hatch and we won’t forget that. But I can’t imagine how this must feel. And I’m sorry.”

I fight to hold on to the tears that have been ebbing and flowing for days now. I just nod gently, appreciatively. It does mean something that it wasn’t in vain.

“Finnick said you’re hurt. We have a medic on board for both of you.”

I look over her shoulder at the small aircraft and the group of people assembled by it. She can tell I am hesitant.

“It’s from the Capitol, yes, but it’s ours now. The rebel force in the Capitol was able to take control last night. With enough support on the inside, finally, we may be able to put an end to this thing all together.” She eases me but I am immediately sad that we were so close...Gale almost made it to the future he dreamt of. I feel the lump in my throat grow.

“Pretty sure I broke a few ribs when I took her to the ground, I’m hoping there’s nothing else,” Finnick is still apologetic about even though it’s what he had to do to save my life. 

“Well we can have her looked at, but they really want to get your head stitched up so why don’t you head in first?” Paylor directs him. I’m glad for it, because the gaping wound on the side of his forehead is just begging for infection.

“Make sure they know who they are dealing with,” Johanna shouts after him, “scarring that face would be a great tragedy.” 

He gives her the finger over his shoulder and we all chuckle. Paylor notices me holding my chest.

“They are sending a team to dismantle the top of that hatch within hours. You’ll be back with them soon. If you need to...go relieve that pressure. I remember that feeling well.” She grins at me and she knows. The fact is it’s killing me but it’s somehow reminding me that I need Lark. So I don’t take her offer. I think she understands that, too.

“I mean or I’m sure Finnick would help out...” Johanna pokes at me and I shoot her a look begging her to shut up, and she does. Paylor walks me to the hovercraft, taking my weight much like Finnick always has.

“I’m so glad you are here. And safe. With your children. But I’ll be even more glad when you aren’t here, and you can have your own life. Maybe for the first time ever.”

We share a knowing grin.

Finnick is already coming down the ramp as we reach it. His head stitched neatly and finally clear of the blood that had been staining his face and hair. Our eyes lock for a minute and I feel Paylor watch us. It doesn’t feel wrong, but it doesn’t feel right either. 

“Let no one ever say that Finnick Odair is not hard headed. Not everyone can crack ribs with sheer body weight.” She’s teasing us both and I appreciate it. She walks me up the ramp where I am surprised to see the same doctor that treated me in The Capitol. Suddenly her helping me there makes sense. She’s on our side. She and Paylor help me to the makeshift cot and she lifts my shirt. I try to look down and I can see the deep bruising. She pushes gently, asking what hurts.

“Finnick was right. At least two broken maybe one dislocated. You’ll be sore for a few days but we can wrap this up and hopefully have you back to normal soon. Your husband loves you very much....”

I look at her heartbroken for a moment, Paylor puts her hand on mine on the bed and gently corrects the doctor.

“Katniss’ husband, Gale, passed away yesterday. He gave his life to protect the children hiding here.”

“Please forgive me, I assumed that Finnick....”

“He’s a very special friend, it’s an honest mistake. No apology needed.”

Paylor handles the awkward air with grace and grit.

We work in silence after that, she wraps me tightly just under my breasts clean down to my hips, and it’s suffocating but taking the ache away. Paylor holds my hand and I squeeze it when it gets to be too much. The doctor excuses herself for some painkillers for both Finnick and I and seize the moment.

“Thank you. For that.”

She smiles.

“Having two people love and protect you fiercely can be hard. Or a blessing. It’s all in how you choose to look at it.” 

She smiles warmly and squeezes my hand.

We grab a stock of medication and head back down the ramp. Finnick and Johanna are talking and both of them head back towards us as we emerge.

“So what now?” Johanna asks, fidgeting nervously.

“We anticipate the next big wave of help to be here within hours. We can make our way back to Twelve and we will stay there until we have the all clear to return to districts. So in the meantime I’d suggest the three of you head back to the bunker and try to rest. Especially you two...it’s a long hike back to the boundaries of Twelve.”

She gestures to Finnick and I and I know she’s right. Johanna doesn’t have it as obviously bad as we do, but I know she hasn’t slept. We nod gently.

“I’ll babysit.” Johanna smirks. 

“You feel ok to walk or better being carried?” Finnick asks, and I’m not sure. 

“It’s not far, I can try to walk.” He threads his arm under mine and Johanna takes my other. The three of us manage to get back to the bunker door and he holds me as she opens it. It’s amazing how tired I am and somehow knowing that we will be ok, the babies will be ok...all I can think about it sleeping. 

We ease back inside. It’s cool and dark and small and I’m hoping it will help the next few hours pass while we wait for help.

Johanna climbs up to the top bunk and lays down immediately. Finnick helps me into the bottom bunk.

“I don’t mind laying on the floor if you need room to sprawl out...” he whispers so she won’t hear. I take in his generous offer and try to work out that I want him laying next to me more than just about anything.

“My God are you dense, Odair. Of course she wants you in bed with her. Just please keep it down, some of us will actually be trying to sleep.”

I feel my cheeks get hot and his flush as well. But I don’t argue with her, I just scoot my body towards the wall so there is room for him. He leans on his side, and I get a closer look at his forehead. At least seven stitches and it’s pretty red and angry. I raise my fingers to it to move some of his hair from it. His hair is much longer than last time I saw him and I’ve really only just noticed. He’s so close to me. I feel his breath on my face. He closes his eyes as I brush at his skin and hair.

I lean up and steal a kiss from him before he knows, but he presses back into me like he knew it was coming. We are both so fragile in more ways than one. Hurting. Longing. I’m mindful of his head and he is mindful of my torso but we are cautiously closing the space between us. I am fighting back a moan because waking Johanna is the very last thing I want. He opens his eyes and they meet mine. I can feel him hard against my thigh and he quietly apologizes.

“Don’t be sorry.”

I gently move my thigh against him and he turns his head into the pillow to muffle a moan. I can’t take it. I’ve wanted him and missed him and needed him for so long and I still can’t really believe he’s here. That he came all this way just to look out for us. I let my hand find his pants and gently push into them. He takes some of the pillow in his teeth. He’s already slowly rocking his hips into my body when my hand finds his cock...firm and throbbing against me and it’s all I can do to not cry out. As much as I want to watch him rolling around in this bed I bury my head in his neck and press my mouth into his skin to keep myself quiet. I feel his hand moving down my stomach and I know what he is looking for. I lift my leg slightly as his fingers trace the top of my pants and I’m all but bucking against him. I bite gently into his collarbone as I feel his bare hand moving into my underwear, through the tuft of curls and right over me. I know I’m already wet for him. I pick up my pace, stroking his cock hard even if i feel completely restricted by his pants, I pull in soft short strokes. He finds my opening and eases a finger inside of my while his thumb expertly swirls around my clit and I bite down on him so hard I expect him to scream. He’s holding his breath. 

I know we have to be fast and I can tell he does, too. We are both furiously getting each other off and the rest of the world disappears mercifully as we lose ourselves in each other. Soundlessly, but tangled up in a mess of hurt and emotion and release that has been so long in the making. 

I feel his body tighten and I know he’s close. I wonder how he will feel about coming in his pants but our options are pretty limited. I’m tugging him hard and my hand is so slick I can hardly hold on to him.

He pulls his body from mine and slips his hand from my pants as he hurriedly opens his own. I can’t help myself but replace his hand with mine as I know what he’s doing. He adjusts on the bed, lifting himself up with an arm on the upper bunk until his bare skin is inches from my mouth. He holds his cock steady and gently slips it through my wanting lips and I take him in as deep as I can, sucking and slurping at him while I finger myself furiously and I suddenly have no real grasp on how loud we are being. 

It feels so rushed. A stark contrast to our first time together where we didn’t want it to end. Now I’m pulling on him with sheer abandon, all teeth and tongue, daring him not to come in my mouth. And it doesn’t take long. I feel myself start to climax around my own fingers and I fight with every fiber of my being not to moan against him. I open my throat and take him, knowing that it’s not just a desire come there but the sheer fact of the matter that anything else is messy and...well, hard to explain. He grips the bunk tight and it squeaks softly as he rocks his hips into my mouth and I struggle to take him in. He holds my hair with his other hand, more for support than anything, and I look up at him. Lost in the sight of his orgasm all over his face as he fights to control himself. He is watching my hand working quickly in my pants and I contract so hard my ribs ache but I don’t care. His come is warm and thick and easing into my throat as I swallow hard and quick, draining him. 

I finally pull back for a breath and he steadies himself again. I can see the final pulses of his climax as he quickly tucks himself back into his pants. I slip my fingers from my panties as I let myself come down. He’s sliding back down into the bed at my side and he takes my hand in his, lifting it to his mouth and taking one of my fingers into his lips at a time. Rolling his tongue over it, and then moving on to the next one, cleaning me. I can’t take my eyes off of it. He leans in to kiss me and I’m intoxicated by the mix of his taste and mine. I swirl my tongue in his mouth softly, tasting myself on his lips like I know he can on mine. I can hardly keep from collapsing into him and falling asleep. That took the last bit of energy I had. I see his face change from sated to confused, and he’s looking down between us. I follow his eyes and want to hide with embarrassment. I am leaking right through my bra and my shirt is soaked. I want to crawl into a hole. I guess I’ve never really been as excited as I just was and also so completely hard and sore. But the relief as much needed.

“Sorry, I just really need to feed Lark.”

He smirks.

“I didn’t know that was...a thing that happened.”

“I’m sorry. I know it’s super gross....he chuckles at my embarrassment.

“Is it weird that I think it’s sexy?” He whispers and I feel my whole body raise.

“I swear to god Katniss if you breastfeed him right now I will burn this place to the ground. Go to sleep.” Johanna hisses, wide awake, from the top bunk. I bite my lips.

“Sorry. Maybe next time.” I wink at him and he grins...that grin.

“You’ll see her soon.” 

He kisses my head and settles back down next to me. As soon as his arm is under me and my head finds the crook of his chest, I am peacefully and deeply asleep. Smelling him all over me and feeling like for the first time in a long time...I’m where I am meant to be.


	8. Chapter 8

All three of us are asleep when there is a pounding on the hatch door. We don’t wait to decipher knocks this time, we just snap to. My eyes ease open as I watch Johanna’s legs drop over the side and then carry her swiftly to the ground. She turns back to face us as she is stretching her upper body. 

“Yeah, he must be exhausted....” she rolls her eyes and then winks mischievously at me before going for the door. 

I look up and Finnick is still fast asleep. I nudge him and he winces and moves his hand to his forehead before he even opens his eyes. 

“Hey, you ok?” I ask him, as I’m trying to move myself gently on the bed beside him.

“Yeah I’m fine. Time to go?” He asks turning to Johanna. I notice as I’m moving that we had linked our hands together sometime in our sleep and our fingers are still interlocked. I smile at the idea of it.

“How are the ribs?” He asks he as he is gently taking his hand from mine and moving to stand.

“Honestly? I’ve been better.” I don’t want to make him feel bad but I also don’t want to lie. He helps me up and once I am standing and moving they feel a little less raw. 

Johanna pulls the heavy door open and we see Paylor.

“Sorry that took longer than expected. But they have cleared the hatch. They are pulling people now....everyone inside is just fine.” 

She’s looking right at me and she smiles. I can’t move fast enough. And I have no idea how long we all slept. I notice Finnick lean in to whisper to her and she nods, and gives him an emphatic yes. I don’t have time to question it. Johanna takes my hand without my asking her to. And we share a look. Something is different about her lately and it continues to be different. Like...we have a shared set of experiences we are willing to bond over now.

We walk quickly through the woods. She is guiding my careful footsteps and taking my weight as I need her. Up ahead I see the clearing. I stop in my tracks for a moment. Terrified. Of what I don’t know.

I feel like I can see Gale standing there. 

She squeezes my hand.

“It’s ok, they cleared the area. C’mon. Your kids need you. And from the looks of your shirt you need them, too.”

Cleared the area. She means of Gale’s remains. I wonder suddenly if that isn’t what Finnick was asking Paylor as well.

I hold her tightly and we keep walking. There are crowds of people. Holding, hugging, playing. I see Beetee, inspecting the area. He has to be proud that his plan worked. I want to get there but I’m not there yet. I start scanning the tree line and the crowd for Kai and Lark. Praying they are ok. Needing them in my arms. Dreading what I am going to have to tell them.

I hear her. I hear Lark crying and I am desperate to find her. We are both treading heavily towards the sound, and I start to call for her. Crying without even realizing it.

Then I see her. Cashmere. Holding and rocking Lark. Soothing her with a finger. Lark’s hand playing in her curly hair. For a split second my heart pounds. This career girl who I know would have killed me several times if given the chance is...mothering my baby. I must squeeze Johanna’s hand because she is quick to diffuse me.

“Different world, remember? She’s a decent human. And everything they’ve done to Finnick?? You know. Let’s just say it’s probably nice for her to rock a baby, too.”

I’m watching the two of them as Johanna’s words wash over me and it dawns on me. All of these people....people I have hated, people I have killed, people I have not trusted....we are all the same. She was torn from a family and forced into something she hated. We all were. And now? We are free of that. We survived. All of us.

I let Johanna’s hand go and slowly approach her. I’ve almost reached her before she looks up and notices me. We share a painful and uneasy glance, that shifts slowly to a smile.

“Your daughter is beautiful. And we are all so grateful to you....and her dad...” she has tears in her eyes as she moves to pass her to me and I have no idea what to say. Tears roll over her cheeks and once Lark is in my arms she sits and wipes them gently before slumping herself against a tree. Alone. 

I pull Lark into me and hold her so tight against my chest as I weep into her hair. I whisper to her that I am here. That she is safe. She coos against my skin like she knows. I hold her tight against me as I turn to take in the rest of the crowd. I see that Finnick has made his way with Paylor, and he crosses the clearing...not to me...but to Cashmere. He squats neatly at her side and takes her hand. She reached for his head and I can see them share words. Like they have shared experiences. And clearly a bond I’ve never been a witness to.

“Kai!” I call as I pull myself from worrying about them.

Some woman I don’t recognize, but with kind eyes and a gentle smile, gently touches my shoulder. She points across the way.

“He’s over there...with the Cresta boys.”

I follow her finger and see him. Bouncing in between Dax and the other boy from Four.

The Cresta boys. Annie Cresta. I hardly have time to make out the words. I’m running towards them, calling for Kai. He turns to see me and his face lights up. He’s running so I kneel and brace myself and Lark for the impact. I catch him in my arms and hold them both so tight like I am quietly promising to never let them go. I kiss them all over, smelling them and holding them tighter than I should.

“Luke! He’s back!” Dax screams and I watch as the two of them take off running wildly for Finnick and almost succeed in taking him off his feet, which would be endearing if he wasn’t nursing a massive head wound. I hug Kai and Lark tightly, sitting down with them both on my lap as I discreetly open my top to feed her...which helps soothe us both. I watch Finnick catch up with the boys, who hang on him...literally and figuratively.

Dax...and Luke...Cresta. I try to place them neatly into the puzzle I have been assembling that makes up Finnick Odair. 

Paylor is gathering people and huddling us into this open space. Several people, including Johanna, sit by us. Finnick eventually joins us with the boys and we all sit patiently, awaiting our next instruction. Finnick turns to eye the baby in my arms, stroking her head before hissing mine. I find myself just staring at him.

“What?”

He asks. And I know that this isn’t the time to tell him I know about Annie, but it is all I can think about.

“Mama...” Kai is leaning into my side and scanning the crowd and I know what’s coming. I want to throw up. I don’t know in this moment how to be strong for him.

“Where’s dada?” He asks, still looking. And I try to meet his eyes but it hurts. I look at him and I see Gale and I know...as I’m looking at him I swear...he already knows. I open my mouth but I can’t find the words. Combined with the lump in my throat I can’t make sound. I’m failing him already.

“Your dad was so brave. And he did everything he could do to make sure you and your mom and you sister were safe. He loved you so much that...”

Finnick jumps to my rescue trying to find the words to explain to Kai that his dad is gone. Kai studies him as he speaks.

“You mean he’s dead?” 

Even at this age, in this world, death is just part of life. Finnick inhales.

“He is. I’m sorry.”

Kai’s face pinches slightly like he wants to cry but won’t. He moves from my lap and stands in front of Finnick, whose face is equally pained. 

“Are you sad?” Kai whispers to him. Finnick nods yes. Kai turns to me, “are you sad mama?” I nod, too. Tears rolling over my achingly hot cheeks. He leans over us both and puts his arms around us. Laying on top of us, holding us. I close my eyes and open them to see Johanna -Johanna Mason - crying at the sight of us. We huddle together and I feel Kai crying slightly. It calms me to know that he won’t hold it in the way the rest of us have been trained to. I kiss the side of his face. I notice Dax and Luke leaning against Finnick’s side, and Dax puts an arm around Kai.

“Your dad was so brave, Kai. Like my sister Annie.”

His sister. These are Annie’s brothers. That Finnick all but raises. I take in the sight of us in a giant pile one the floor in the middle of the woods. This blended amalgamation of wounded soldiers and helpless children. Johanna is leaning on Finnick, and I feel this strange calm come over me. 

That somehow this is a kind of family. And whatever this speech we are about to hear tells us...this group of us is somehow going to make it. 

Which is how Gale...and Peeta for that matter...would have wanted it.


	9. Chapter 9

Paylor informs the gathered masses of a plan. That the Capitol has fallen and with very little resistance. It’s turns out Peeta’s very deliberate murder was enough to shake people from their fear of Snow. They are assembling leadership teams to be put into place in each district: removing any peacekeepers or mayors that held any allegiance to Snow or The Capitol. Paylor will be heading there to help assemble these teams. She asks for volunteers and I hold my breath. She suggests that the group of us will return to Twelve until our respective districts have had some new leadership installed. She invites us to return to the hatch to grab anything we may need to for the long journey back on foot.

“You guys stay put, I’ll grab some things.” Johanna offers and I gladly accept. I’m hoping my time underground has come to an end.

“Can you get my bag? It has my five favorite things?” Kai asks her confidently and she takes a knee.

“I’ll tell you what. Why don’t you come help me. I could sure use someone brave like you...and maybe we can find some cookies, too.” Johanna wiggles her eyebrows and smiles at him. He turns to me for permission and I nod my head as he spins to take her hand and head off with her.

We watch her go. Dax and Luke ask Finnick if they can run around and he tells them just to stay where he can see them. Lark is finishing up so I am gently cleaning and closing as I lift her to my shoulder, expecting her to fall asleep. I inhale a shaky breath.

“Johanna told me...about Annie....I can’t imagine how that felt. Or feels.....”

He looks down for a minute before lifting his head to mine.

“Sure you can. You’ve felt it twice now.” His face is full of sadness but more than that....understanding.

“And those are her brothers....”

He nods as he turns back to watch them play.

“They are. I promised Annie I’d always take care of them. Like Gale did for you. I guess neither of us did it exactly right. But we tried.” He’s picking at the ground as he says it, not wanting to look at me.

“Stay with us. In Twelve. All of us. We can start over, we all can.” He fidgets uneasily and I guess that fantasy I had where he just pulled me into his arms and we started a new life together seamlessly starts to drift from my grasp. 

“It’s not that easy, Katniss....” he whispers, looking at Lark and not me. 

“It can be.”

He forces a smile. One dimple popping up into his cheek then disappearing as he bites it. 

“We will all head to Twelve. Make sure your family is safe. And then the boys and I...we will head home.”

He doesn’t wait for my response. Just pats the baby lightly on the back and pushes himself up to stand. He crosses the clearing and I watch him, my heart aching in my chest. Embarrassed at how I thought we would just... pick up. 

He walks to Cashmere and offers her a hand. She’s still upset but calming herself. As she stands he pulls her gently into his side. She plays at the hair over his stitches before kissing his cheek gently. Softly. Intimately. He returns it and I notice their fingers playing gently at each other. She turns from him and rounds up a small group of children, lifting one into her arms and leading the rest towards the hatch. Finnick watches her go and then turns to me, only slightly. And our eyes meet for only a moment before he tears his from me and follows her to the hatch. 

I guess I was a fool to think that someone like Finnick would just sit around and be lonely while I lived my life. That he would drop what he was doing when I needed him. But then I think of what just happened in the bunker and my chest fills with sadness, confusion and anger.

And I think a thought that I may never have entertained before: I really need Johanna Mason.


	10. Chapter 10

Johanna surfaces with Kai and several bags of supplies...including Kai’s. He is gleefully eating a cookie. She approaches us and I am sure she can read my face before I open my mouth.

“What is it?” She asks, a combination of concern and nosiness.

“This may sound stupid...but...Finnick...Cashmere...?”

I’m not even sure what I’m asking but I can tell by her reaction that she knows exactly what I am asking and exactly what the answer is. My heart sinks a little. She scans the crowd looking for them.

“Yeh. I mean. It’s complicated. What isn’t, right?”

She is trying to spare me the details but I just stare are her...waiting for them.

“Aright look so...you know they just, have a lot. In common. And a few years back her brother offed himself and she was alone. You know how Finnick can’t help himself but try to save the world. He took her in. They’re tight. I don’t know much more than that.....”

She’s struggling to tell half truths and lies, and I keep staring, wanting all of it.

“Are you asking me if they are fucking? Because look at them: I would hope so. I mean...they used to have to fuck for sport so it’s probably not even a thing for them.”

Maybe I didn’t want all of that information. And she knows it.

“Sorry.” she whispers.

I just nod soundlessly. I stand with Lark and we follow Johanna and Kai. Small groups are assembling to make the journey back to Twelve. The run here with Gale was exhausting so I’m guessing we have a good ten miles minimum ahead of us. I can see Finnick ahead with the boys at his side and another child on his back. Cashmere is next to him looking much the same. There are small huddles of people moving at different speeds but I remind myself how much easier this journey is with no immediate threat of danger. 

People are mostly silent. I start singing quietly to Lark.

“Louder...it might help everyone...” Johanna encourages me. I don’t love to sing for people that aren’t forced to enjoy it, like my own kids, but I raise my voice slightly and several other people start to hum or sing along. I see Finnick turn to me and smile. He eases the young girl from his back and Cashmere takes her hand as he falls back slowly until we have caught him. He walks at my side listening for awhile before offering to give me a break and carry Lark. She doesn’t weigh much but it’s a nice gesture.

“How about I take her...” Johanna offers and I know why. I gently pass her to Johanna who immediately takes her, and Kai, and suggests they jog for a little bit to ‘see how fast he is.’ He’s competitive by nature and genetics, so he takes off in a sprint with her trailing behind him. Finnick moves to take my hand and I pull it from him. He nods knowingly. 

“Ok....” he says softly. We keep walking and I’m grateful for the distraction of having to keep my eyes on something other than him.

“What’s going on Finnick?” 

“What do you mean?” He asks and I chuckle. 

“What I mean is, are you with her? Or, I mean, I guess it’s obvious that you are so, how long have you been? Why didn’t you just tell me? You didn’t talk to her at all underground. Were you hiding it from me?”

It’s a lot of questions so I give him a second.

“It’s hard to explain. We just...found each other. It’s not perfect. I don’t really even know what ‘it’ is. But it works. I guess. I don’t know...”

He is struggling. Really struggling. I am trying to not be angry. 

“I didn’t see her volunteering to put her life on the line to defend that hatch...”

“She wanted to stay with the kids. It means a lot to her to do that, I don’t expect you to understand....”

He’s defending her now and for some reason I cannot get it to sit right, because it comes with a judgement about me.

“Is this where I’m supposed to apologize to you that I can have children and she can’t?”

My stomach hollows out. That did not come out the way I wanted it to and it stops him in his tracks.

“That’s a really shitty thing to say.”

He’s hurt. He should be. Just say you’re sorry Katniss, don’t let this get worse.

I don’t.

“Is that what it is then? You can fuck her with abandon and not feel sad about it? Cause I can’t fix that Finnick. I can’t compete with that. You won’t let me try to help you not be sad. You want to just dwell in it.” 

“We should probably just stop talking now.” He’s moved past hurt to angry but I’m not in the mood to drop anything.

“No, you’re going to talk to me. Not just shut me out because it’s uncomfortable.”

“I’m shutting you out because you’re being a real bitch.”

There it is.

“No. You shut me out because you’re afraid of me loving you despite everything you’ve done. You’d rather be with someone who only loves the broken parts of you because that’s what’s easy. I see you. Not just your broken parts. The parts you’re too afraid to feel anymore.”

“You don’t know me, Katniss.”

“And she does??” 

“It’s not about her. Look, you chose Gale. You made a life. With Gale. I would have been happy just loving you anyway, alone, I would have. But it didn’t work out that way.”

“You chose Gale for me. YOU sent me back. YOU told me you didn’t love me. YOU left me. Empty. So don’t lie to yourself that this was my life. I would have chosen you. Every time.” 

I’m too upset to cry, but I want to. He’s staring at me as lost as I feel. We can’t keep from hurting each other. We both know it, we both see it. He doesn’t say another word. Just takes off walking to catch up to her and leave me behind.

I want to scream and cry. We make it all the way to Twelve without crossing paths again.

When we finally reach the same clearing in the woods that Gale and I ran from just days before I can immediately sense a difference in the district. The air actually feels lighter. As we walk towards the Victor’s Village from the timber we can see people lining the streets. Celebrating with abandon. A completely unusual sight for The Seam. Johanna and I are side by side and I realize of all of these refugees I am the only one that really knows my way around here. We all gather in the grassy noll that lines the middle of the street. People sit, embrace, relax after the long journey here. They knew we were coming because the people of The Seam are offering food and water, medicines, blankets. And then I see them.

Haymitch, with my mother and Prim. I cry almost immediately as they run towards me. Prim plows into my arms and hugs me and then the children. She scoops Kai up into her arms and they spin. Johanna has been carrying Lark and my mom grabs her and covers her with kisses. They are all at once overjoyed...and devastated. Haymitch approaches more cautiously, extending a hand which I pull into a hug.

“I’m so sorry.” He whispers and squeezes me tightly. I return it, not wanting him to let me go. 

“Gale’s family?” I ask him, afraid to even think of them.

“His mother knows. The kids. They announced the takeover and included some information about the different rebel camps. He’s a hero. That’s how we will all remember him. Just like Peeta. And it’s over. It’s really over.”

We are still holding each other when I catch Finnick’s eye over his shoulder. He’s helping pass out water and food, making sure people have places to go. Haymitch pulls from me and follows my gaze.

“Trouble in paradise?” He asks, judging the way my body tightened just seeing Finnick. I just shrug it off.

“They converted the houses up and down this row to house people, and they are setting up cots in The Hob. We should have places for everyone by dusk....” Haymitch is filling us in while Johanna gives me a once over.

“Hey....which one is yours, we need to get you off your feet.” She’s already supporting some of my weight as she explains, “Finnick broke a couple of her ribs tackling her to save her from that bomb. Think he might have jacked her heart up, too. Harder to fix that.....”

“Johanna....” I hiss at her. She stops.

My mother and Prim take Kai and Lark and my mother promises to come check on me shortly. Johanna helps me into my home. As soon as I’m inside I want to die a little. Gale’s things are everywhere. It wasn’t much of a life but it was ours. I ask Johanna to take me to the guest room. 

She helps me undress, stripping me to my bra and panties and this bulky wrap that secures my ribs. She lays me down and tucks me in, sitting by me on the bed.

“Hey, would it be ok if I just stayed here with you?” She whispers, almost like she is nervous to ask. I smile and nod. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Listen. Don’t lose sleep over this Finnick thing. I meant what I said. He loves you. You guys will figure it all out.”

She smiles and takes my hand and I want so badly to believe her.

She slips out quietly and I hear her leave through the front door. I lay alone for the first time and just press my hands into my eyes and cry. I cry so hard. My ribs ache. I can’t feel but I feel everything. I see Gale. I see Peeta. I failed them both. I see Finnick and I feel like he failed me. This brave new world we all fought for and now I face it without them.

I think about Finnick. Looking for signs of what is real and what isn’t. I think about him loving me. It felt real. It has to be real. But he fights so hard against it it doesn’t even matter. I’m so lost in my thoughts of him that I almost don’t hear the front door. Someone is in the house and it’s a long while before that someone appears at the door to the room I’m in. 

Finnick. Of course, Finnick.

He leans on the doorframe. Same navy jacket and pants. Same stitched up head and messy hair. But it’s different now. 

“Can I come in?” He whispers and I shake my head yes. He slowly moves into the room and takes a seat in the chair by the bed, pulling it closer to me and leaning forward against his knees.

“Feeling ok?,” he asks and I nod again, “you know if you’re just laying still your can take that wrap off. Breathe a little. I can help.” 

I nod a little and he reaches over me, undoing the clips that secure it to me, lifting me gently to pull it from under my back. He lets his hand linger on my stomach.

“Do you love her Finnick?” I ask him quietly, but desperately. He studies my face.

“No. I care for her. I’m not in love with her.”

“Do you...have sex with her?” I ask him pointedly, not sure if it’s even my place or what difference it makes to me. He inhales so sharply. And he can’t look at me which is my first clue to the answer I’m about to get. 

“We have. Yeah.”

I’m silent for a moment unsure if I want to push him. I decide it’s not the time. Because he looks as exhausted as I feel.

“Do you still love me?” I can’t keep myself from crying as I ask, because I’m basically begging him to. He doesn’t hesitate.

“I’ll always love you. Always.”

“Finnick I don’t want to do this without you....I’ve lost everyone. I don’t want to lose you....” I’m crying sheepishly, but it’s out of my control now.

“You’re not going to lose me.” He lifts my hand and kisses it. 

“But....” I say to him, knowing there is one coming.

“I...Katniss I don’t know how to do this. How to be what you want. I’m not Peeta. I’m not Gale...”

“I don’t want you to be.” I’m desperate for him to hear me. I don’t know how to get to him in these moments of this self doubt and self loathing.

“I know you think that now. You think that Cashmere loves just the broken pieces but she loves them because she is them. She knows how this feels. How it feels to hate yourself. To hate the things you’ve done. To just be an empty shell of yourself. To feel, God I don’t even know how to explain it.....” he’s losing control and I need him to stay here, with me.

“Please keep trying. I want to understand.”

His eyes glaze over like two green crystals.

“I don’t want you to understand. I don’t want you to know how it feels. She does. You were right. I don’t feel sad when I’m with her. I don’t think about the things I do when I’m with you....”

“What Finnick? What do you think about?”

He shifts uneasily and I take his hand hard, pulling him. 

“Finnick, please. Let me just love you. It isn’t hard. Talk to me.”

“It is hard. You know how badly I want to make love to you right now? To come inside you without feeling like some kind of freak or puppet or...failure?”

His eyes are brimming with tears and mine are, too.

“You are none of those things. None of those things change who you are. How I love you. Only if you let him win. Only if you let him steal this from you.” 

He hangs his head and takes my hand on his against his forehead. 

“Stay here. With me. Or we will come with you. Kai, Lark, Luke, Dax...we have our family. We have each other. We all need you.” He is quiet and I know he is hearing me. 

“Look at me.....” he raises his head, taking me in. I’m already reaching behind me to pull my bra off. I see him react to my bare breasts.

“Make love to me Finnick. Please?” I’m begging him and I can’t let him say no.


	11. Chapter 11

He’s already unbuttoning his jacket as I lay before him in just my panties on the bed. If I have learned anything about this man in the short time I have known him it’s that it’s easier to convince him to do something he thinks someone else needs than to just convince him to do something he wants.

So here we go.

I lay back on the bed, having thrown my bra to the side of the bed, feeling sexy with his eyes taking me in even as I know my torso is bruised and swollen. Something tells me convincing him to nurse me through that might actually be to my advantage. I stretch long on the bed, taking handfuls of the pillow by my ears and rolling my head into them longingly. Running one of my feet up the length of my other leg before letting my bent knee drop open to the side. I push my hand gently down my stomach and into my underwear and I hear him moan.

I turn to look at him through hooded eyes, biting my lip.

“Please....” I’m begging him to help me and the fact is I don’t even feel silly manipulating him because I do need him. I always need him. 

His fingers are deftly unbuttoning his shirt until it hangs open and he stands next to me, pulling it back off his shoulders, the light streaming through the guest bedroom window lighting his silhouette from behind.

He’s undoing the top of his pants painfully slowly, tilting his head to watch me. I shift my right hand up to my breast and squeeze my nipple firmly between my fingers, rolling it gently and arching my back into the sensation of it. My left hand is slowly plucking at the skin between my legs, causing my body to tighten against my own will every few seconds and I’m sighing loudly, throwing my head to the side to stare at him. He pushes his hands into his pants and for a second I can see his arm starting to manipulate himself out of my view and I frown at it. But even watching him start to be affected by the pleasure he’s giving himself is making me so wet for him I can hear it. 

He uses his free hand to push his pants over his hips and step out of them. He steps closer to the bed but still isn’t touching it and he’s close enough to me that I could reach up and grab him. But I don’t. 

And suddenly I realize I’m not the only one doing the manipulating. 

He’s basically posing for me now. His free hand on his hip, his right hand expertly working the length of his cock. Slowly pushing and pulling and lifting. Alternating between rubbing his fist over it’s wet tip and then slowly slipping a tight grip all the way down its base. His breathing is loud and hot. He moans freely, occasionally dipping his head back between his shoulders and then looking back down and me with eyes that flutter open and shut slowly as he gets lost in himself.

I want to tear him apart. 

But I don’t. I watch him. Studying him. Learning what he likes when he’s doing it all himself. I plunge a finger into my hot center and gasp as how wet and tight I am. I notice him notice so I take my other hand and pull my panties just to the side so he can see that I’m fingering myself hard for him. It topples his confidence slightly. I watch his chest cave in just a touch as he starts to lean over his incredibly hard cock and pull on it harder as he watches me...matching my pace. 

It’s a game. I know he wants to be inside me I can see it all over his body. And I want to jump out of this bed against my better judgement (mentally and physically) and take him so badly it actually aches. But we stand our ground. Both of us desperate to touch each other...but not. Both of us needing each other....but not. It’s a physical representation of all the pain and longing and confusion we create in each other on a regular basis. And it’s crippling. 

He leans a hand on the bed and starts jerking himself off right over my bruised stomach but still....not....touching....me. And he is entirely too close to coming. His shoulders are taut, his eyes closing. It’s like a game of chicken...which one of us will break down and touch the other first. 

And for the first time in my life, I don’t mind losing. 

I pull my hands from between my legs and grab his hips.

“Please don’t make me keep begging” I whimper to him, gently pulling him towards me. He drops a knee on the bed and moves his body over mine, his hand still firmly gripping his cock. I lean down and watch him roll the tip over my panties before I lift my hips into him and he reaches down to slide them over my legs. I let them fall open, I don’t have the strength to fight them anyway. He places a hand on the bed and one back around the base of his cock before he starts stroking it right against me. His leaky tip and my incredibly wet skin rubbing easily together before he slowly pushes into me. I watch my body take him in until there’s no telling where he ends and I start. Our skin and hair just pressing angrily at each other as our bodies start to move in sync. 

He places his elbows on either side of my face and lowers himself over me as we start fucking each other silently. I breath against him and he pants against me, pushing his forehead into the pillow and not my head...and I’m sure it’s because it’s still not sitting right with him. The pain in his brow. We are rolling silently into each other with the exception of an occasional huff or pant or groan. He’s pressing into me so hard that his pubic bone is stroking against me and I start to see stars. I wrap my legs around his lower back and press my chest into him. My nipples are so sensitive against his hot skin that that alone could put me over the edge. I curl under him, my ribs achingly sore, and I wrap my arms around his strong back, grabbing at the flesh of it. 

I start to come round him hard. He pushes deep into me and stills himself so he can feel it. My body twisting and writhing under his stillness, pulsing and pulling around him. Soaking us both. He reaches between us and strokes me off with his fingers and I let go of the scream I have been holding in. I pulse and jerk under him as he turns and kisses the side of my face repeatedly. My mouth hangs open as I start to come down off of my orgasm. I’m still holding onto him, my arms sweaty against his back. He lifts off of me slightly and holds his face over mine. I lift my head and close my mouth against his. Our lips and teeth crashing languidly into one another, our tongues finding space in each other’s mouths. He starts to pick up his pace inside me slowly...much slower now...movements that almost barely happen. But I can feel in his breathing that he is close. I smile against him feeling like it’s more the kissing me than anything else that is putting him so dangerously close to the edge.

I reach up and grab the back of his head. I whisper to him that it’s ok. And I’m not sure at first what I’m telling him is ok. But then I get lost in a thought I wish I didn’t have.

I remember losing my virginity to Gale. I wonder what that experience was like for Finnick. His first time. I remember the panic of feeling Gale come inside me for the first time and the implications. That for some people it was probably wonderful and for me it was terrifying. And as I try to imagine how that would feel in Finnick’s skin and...I’m weeping into his shoulder. Selfishly because he’s sliding in and out of me and so close and all I can think is how do I feel him fill me and not think of what that should mean for us.

And I want to block it out. But I think...this is what he meant. About being sad. Every time. I don’t want him to see me cry over it. I bury my head in his neck and pull him close. Desperately, achingly close. Enveloping him in my arms and legs. I turn and whisper on repeat.

“It’s ok.”

I feel him press his head into my neck, his lips against my skin. 

“I can’t....” I hear him only barely, his mouth pressed deeply into the flesh of my neck.

“Yes. You can. I love you, and you can.”

He moans angrily against me and he’s coming. Growling, pressing, throbbing and pulsing and grinding hard into me. I turn my face, needing to see him. With eyes barely open he lifts his head and our mouths find each other. But it’s less of a kiss and more of just....sharing the same breath. Breathing into each other’s open mouths. Panting, wanting. I feel him deep inside me and I feel his heat running out of me and all I can think about is his mouth on mine. 

“I love you...” he whispers breathlessly into my mouth. And I waste no time. 

“I know. Stay with me. I’m yours now.” 

And he knows I don’t just mean right now. He doesn’t answer. 

He collapses onto my chest only for a moment before rolling to my side and curling into me. I reach up and stroke his hair as he lets his fingers trace my ribs. He rubs his face against my skin and casually moves into me until his mouth is over my breast. He runs his kisses over it and takes my nipple between his lips. I purr and turn into him, wrapping my arms around the back of his neck and throwing a leg over his hip. I giggle to myself. He looks up.

“What?” He’s smirking but unsure.

“Just thinking that Johanna is going to be staying with me, and if she walked in right now we would probably never outlive the jokes about me breastfeeding you.”

He grins wide before his eyebrows furrow. 

“What? You wouldn’t? Even just to try?” I smile, trying everything in my power to keep these moments light.

“Oh no. I’d try, it’s turned me on since she even joked about it,” I knee him gently, “I just didn’t realize Johanna was staying here. I kinda hoped I could.”

I smile at him.

“I had hoped you would, too. There’s plenty of room. My room for Johanna, Luke and Dax can sleep in one of the kid’s rooms...you can stay here with me....” I swallow a little before I risk the next sentence, “and there’s room for Cashmere, too...if that’s what you want.”

He watches my face like he wonders if I am testing him.

“I’m sure she’d be happy if you asked her. But she will probably want to stay with the kids from One.”

I leave it at that. He doesn’t seem bothered so neither will I. 

I hear Johanna at the door. Finnick grins wildly before pressing into me and sucking....hard...on my nipple. I don’t know if he knows exactly how this works, but his joke could turn into a mouthful really quick, so I push him back and teasingly scold him. We share a laugh.

“Listen I need you to know I am here so whatever you are doing I don’t have to stumble upon ok??” She shouts through the house.

Finnick rolls from my side and stands to get dressed. 

“We should go get the kids. Get everyone settled. And I’m starving.”

I wiggle my eyebrows at him and he laughs again. 

He grabs my wrap and helps me to sit, I wince and he braces me. 

“So we have reached comfortably being naked around each other...just in case I were to be keeping track.” Johanna is crossing her arms and smirking as she leans on the door. I’m glad at least Finnick got dressed. And I cover by breasts with my arms as Finnick adjusts the wrap around my rib cage. She comes to the side of the bed and helps me to stand.

She looks down at the bed. It looks...used. A surprisingly large wet spot where I had been.

“Well I hope you guys don’t think I’m sleeping in this room.” She scoffs. Finnick tosses the comforter over the sheets, rolling his eyes at her. They both stand on my sides and help me find my feet but once I am bound and moving, I feel better. The three of us head back out the front door. And I realize something new. I open my front door to the village filled with smiling people, groups of strangers becoming friends, my sister and Kai running playfully. I feel Finnick take my hand in his and for some reason I take Johanna’s. She smiles at me before rolling her eyes.

“Oh my God, we aren’t gonna start singing next...are we? Baby steps, love birds, ok?” She drops my hand and walks off the porch. Finnick squeezes my hand. 

“Stay. With me.” I whisper as I turn to look at him. He bites his cheek and mulls it over.

“For now. ‘Til we figure out what comes next. Fair?”

“We?” I ask, arching an eyebrow. He kisses the top of my head.

“Yeah....of course we. If you’ll have me.”

Finnick Odair, I will always...always have you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this angsty/bumpy ride. They all lived happily ever after....maybe. 
> 
> 🌊 ⛵️ ❤️ 🔥 🏹


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